JJs Twats & Toons

If you were around in the 1970’s you would remember that Burger King’s big selling point in their commercials was that you get what you order ‘your way’.

Some clever strip-show/lap-dance owner has incorporated that customer-preference first policy, and now owns the most successful platoon of poontang in Peoria.

Jesus Christ dude…this is not a mutilation, this is freakin murder!

Yknow how some chicks joke that guys brains are in their cocks ?  Well for some fucking idiot to be so moronic as to allow some freaky fag to cut off his cock in order to do a piercing…his brains truly must’ve been in his cock, so this piercing-peon just beheaded that dumb fuck.

The truest sign of Real Wealth…..being able to do anything you want to and getting someone to do anything you want them to…

God I would never be bored if I could be this wealthy…a harem of bought beauties fighting for the chance to be the next one picked to indulge whatever whim next strikes me as fun to do or have them do.

See now…that’s the problem with people today (or one of the problems).  They just don’t see the potential that sometimes lays (or dangles) right in front of them.

Like man, I don’t know about you guys, but my old lady sometimes likes a little kink in her dink…so if anything, that receptionist should be jumping this dudes bones, getting those hard to reach areas, spraying all over him in appreciation and showing him that he should be the one getting the last laugh on the doctors.

This is a case of a porn movie with too much budget combined with too little imagination…

Something like this needs to be a major gangbang orgy with splooge floating everywhere and the chicks all swimming around after it, slurping it up and sucking it down.

This picture is a paradox in the making…obviously the guy is insane, but he’s not a masochist, if anything it could be said that he has a fetish for frigid chicks.  Though in that case he should just bang the frigid eyeless bitch giving him a rough time for indulging his fetish.

Yknow tho…any chick who is that frigid as to drive her man to seeking a snowchick for warmth is probably wickeder, colder, and meaner than the Wicked Witch of the West and this dude should be calling 1 800 Divorce followed by 1 800 Hot Filipino Wife.

One of the ways you can tell what people have done too many drugs is that they tend to react differently to situations than somebody who hasn’t done too many drugs would.

Trippy as this scenario would be; you would think the chicks would be kinda freaked out like ‘Oh my God is he an alien?!’ and if the dude isn’t an alien, he would be ‘Oh my God what the hell’s wrong with me?!’

Yknow why porn needs better special effects?  So that we can have some pretty far out, trippy, fantasorgasmic jack off material, especially now with blu-ray technology.

You ever see the Fantastic Four, or know what it is?  Anyway, there’s this dude Mr Fantastic (go figure) and he can totally stretch out any part of his body like miles and miles long, or whatever…dude, that’s the type of special effect fucking they need in some porn movies.

They say that women are creatures of extremes and this is certainly a case in point…

Everyone knows that generally women tend to walk around with their heads up their asses…now on this chick’s quest for extreme satisfaction she is fucked right up…or make that wrong up.

Have you ever gotten your dick caught in your fly?  If you have you know it hurts like fucking hell with a pain that will definitely linger.

Hopefully Captain pale penis here is invulnerable to pain, cos damn that sure looks wedged.  Personally I bet hung like that he’s got it out on purpose trying to score with another slut like that redhead.

That’s the problem with mad scientists…their priorities are skewed and they concentrate on the wrong fucking things.

I don’t see a whole hell of a lot of a practical application in shrinking women down to midgy widgy itty bitty bimboids that can’t even suck your cock…but if they all looked like ‘the big-boned’ one  before he zapped them, then he’s obviously also created an ugly reversal ray.

This is the type of situation that this guy should have learned to deal with in kindergarten.  So often when enjoying yourself, some idiot comes along being a killjoy saying ‘Oh…you can’t do that.’

Experience has taught me, as it should have taught this guy, that usually these people just want to be invited to join in on the fun too and I bet if Harold and his girlfriend offered to make it a threesome they wouldn’t have any more problems.

I blame tree huggers and eco-freaks and modern disposable society for troubled marriages like this one.

In the good ol’ days when we did our shopping they would give us big ol’ paper bags in case we had big ol’ ugly wives…If this idiot knew about brown-bagging he could just have a good time and appreciate those huge tits.

Some people would say that licking those toads while on their vacation was not a good plan for these guys…

But if it wasn’t for the toad licking, the reality that these mermaids about to give them awesome blowjobs actually being piranhas because they crashed their boat in piranha infested waters would set in and their last moments would be painful hell instead of blissful ignorance.

Mall time madness is something I avoid if I’m able to because who the hell wants to listen to all the noise, get jostled around and spend money to get a headache?

Now if these crazy sales had naked cat fights like this, it might be worth my time because it would give me a different kind of throbbing head…but with my luck they would be some ugly old Russian women.